dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
