drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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