I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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