Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
