Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
