So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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