the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
