I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
