she looked like the before picture.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
