So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
