dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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