My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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