Acid is not a monday night drug
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
