i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
