i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
