I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
