He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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