I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
