Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
