I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
