nut hugger
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
