I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
