did you get engaged???
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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