Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
