and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
