K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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