we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
