She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
