I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
