When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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