Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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