Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
