Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
