Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
