I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
