i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
