You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
