If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
