Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
