Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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