she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
