I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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