I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
