Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
