Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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