dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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