Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
