i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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