i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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