Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
