I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
