I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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